The Tale of Krampus and the Cyberattack

Most people are familiar with Santa Claus, the jolly gift-giver who delivers presents to all the children who have kept the Christmas spirit in their hearts all year. Lately, many people have also become aware of Krampus, Santa’s dark shadow who—as the legend goes—takes a similar trip to visit the naughty children and turn the worst into a midnight snack.

However, one has to wonder: what about all the adults who might also be naughty?

Let’s find out about what happens to them.

What If Someone’s Job Parameters Changed Over the Centuries?

Hannibal Rowe sat in his office on December 24th, alone and bored. 

Glancing at the clock, he rolled his eyes and sent the message his HR team had drafted up for him. It was nonsense about leaving work early to enjoy the holiday with their families… something along those lines, at least. He heard his team start celebrating and chatting about traditions and whatnot as they hustled to close out their days and get home.

Rowe didn’t move from his seat until long after the door had closed behind the last of his team as they left—it was Thomas, excited about being able to read his kids to sleep or whatever—and even then, he was in no hurry to get out of there for himself. He poked at his keyboard, read some emails, and was just getting to the point where even he was considering going home before hearing the telltale ding that said a customer had walked into the office.

Hannibal smirked. Those idiots lost out on what might have been a really valuable commission. He stood, ready to walk out and greet the visitor, only to see the visitor had already found their way to his office. That was surprising in itself, but the visitor’s appearance quickly overwhelmed that factor.

The visitor was huge, taking up most of the doorway, but he gave off the impression of being lighter than air. He was very sharply dressed, with a suit that must have been custom-made for him based on his size and the apparent quality of the materials. He was very pale, a fact that his dark suit only accentuated. His eyes, however, were the oddest that Rowe had ever seen.

His eyes seemed dead, devoid of any twinkle or sparkle. Even more odd, however, was the color. His irises were so dark that it seemed the pupil never seemed to end.

The visitor smiled, politely asking, “Hello. Am I correct in assuming that I’m speaking to Hannibal Rowe? That’s what the sign on the door said.”

Hannibal nodded, reaching out a hand. “Yes, sir, that’s me.”

The strange man smiled, accepting the handshake with a shockingly cold hand. “I’m so glad I caught you in time. When I saw the empty office, I thought someone forgot to lock the door on their way to their families.”

Hannibal couldn’t help but roll his eyes. The visitor’s smile grew as he took note of the reaction.

“Not a fan of Christmas?”

Hannibal shook his head.

“Honestly, it all seems pretty silly to me. What, the fact that some people put so much weight on one day means that I have to jump through hoops and deal with all their traditions for a whole month? Man, if I told you all the time I waste dealing with time off requests… it’s ridiculous.”

The visitor chuckled. “I see I’ve come to the right place.”

At that, the visitor raised one of his ice-cold hands and snapped his fingers. The door slammed behind him, the lock engaging loudly with a definitive clunk.

Hannibal staggered back at that, startled by the sound, and started shaking as he realized what just happened.

“What… how…?”

The visitor nodded.

“Why don’t you sit down for a moment, Hannibal?”

The visitor snapped again, and suddenly, Hannibal felt the familiar cushion of his office chair behind his legs. He collapsed into the seat, staring in horror at the figure before him.

“Who…?”

“That’s the question I was waiting for!” The visitor nodded enthusiastically. Snapping again, the visitor suddenly had a simple chair in front of him. He sat as well, his strange eyes never leaving Hannibal’s.

“To answer that, you may have heard of me, but I can’t blame you for not recognizing me in this shape. My name is Krampus.”

As he said the words, Hannibal could have sworn that the visitor had horns, but they vanished as quickly as they appeared. Krampus continued:

“Now, you may be thinking of all the stories that have been told about me, and that was once how I operated. However, times change, and I eventually realized that many naughty kids will grow up to be fine human beings if given the time and opportunity to mature a little bit.”

Krampus sighed, rubbing his temples where Hannibal realized his horns must be.

“I was more than okay with this, but it suddenly became very clear that adults—some of them, anyways—were so much worse than any child I had ever dealt with.

“So I decided to change my tactics. Why go after kids who had the potential to be better when I could just wait until they were all grown up and stuck in their ways? There are plenty of people who do turn out just fine, which I prefer. Then again, some good kids wind up being pretty crappy adults.”

Krampus looked at Hannibal meaningfully.

“Wait, I’m crappy?” Despite the situation, Hannibal could hardly believe what he was hearing.

Krampus laughed, a true hearty laugh. He had to wipe away a tear before answering.

“Of course you are! Here it is, Christmas Eve, and you would have your team working well into the night if you didn’t know it would create a ton of trouble for you. I might be a little sensitive to the fact that it’s Christmas, but your team members are doing their best with the tools you’ve given them.”

“So, what now?”

Krampus sighed. “Well, here’s the issue. I need to know that you’ve learned a lesson, without punishing your team for their hard work. So here’s what we’re going to do:

“You’re going to suffer a cyberattack. You, personally. None of your staff will be impacted, and it will be clear that you were the one at fault, so nobody else can be blamed. I’m telling you this because you aren’t going to remember any of our conversation tonight, of course.”

Hannibal gulped. It would almost be better if Krampus still did things the old-fashioned way.

“But wait, we work with Computerware. They usually stop all this stuff from happening, right?”

“Oh, absolutely… but there’s only so much they can do to stop people from making mistakes.”

Hannibal blinked and suddenly found himself looking at an empty room. He blinked again, and all memory of his conversation with Krampus was gone. He turned back to his computer and opened his email again, finding a new message…

All of us here at Computerware want to wish you a very happy holiday, ideally one free of the impact that Krampus could have on it. If you want to make sure that your business is safer and more efficient for the new year, make it your resolution to give us a call at (703) 821-8200.